Mordred's Legacy
The moon shone high in the sky above the ruins of
Pinex, making the city look ominous in the twilight hour, the moonlight fell on
the ruined buildings illuminating them like a ghostly skeletal city stripped of
life. The city had been abandoned after the final battle of the Tenfold war,
the breached outer wall could still be seen with the broken concrete littering
all around the fallen wall as a silent memorial to the death and destruction
that Pinex had endured. The ground inside the walls was covered in Hardened ash
from the fires that swept the city all those years ago. A deathly silence
filled the area, no creatures moved in the city as no living thing called Pinex
its home now. The stillness of the night was broken suddenly when from out of
the shadows of the nearby forest three hooded men, two tall and one short,
rushed towards the forgotten city at a fast pace, their faces hidden by the
shadow of their hoods.
“Quickly, this way.” The man moving in the lead
hissed,
“Where is the entrance?” the smaller man asked, the
first man pointed towards the city and replied,
“Around the city westward is the broken part of the
wall.”
“Enough talk! Lead the way!” the man at the rear of
the group growled, the leader nodded as he quickly scanned the horizon and once
satisfied nothing moved he dashed quickly towards the city wall. The ground
here no longer grew grass or plant life since Mor’draed’s fall, the place was
cursed, the water nearby was fouled so with no clean water supply no living thing
could find nourishment. The men reached the outer wall where Mor’draed's
Dourgals had brought it down during the siege, they pinned themselves to the
wall and edged along to the opening. The tallest of the three looked carefully
around the wall and scanned the immediate area, he looked at the derelict
buildings and could see no movement so he motioned to the others to follow him,
unbeknown to him however a lone archer was watching him down the shaft of an
arrow. The archer knelt amongst the hardened
ash on a nearby roof top, camouflaged with the ash by the smoky grey cloak he
wore. They stepped over the old rubble and walked
slowly and carefully towards the city. The archer looked to distant building
and squinted to be able to see the other hidden archer but looked back round
when he saw the other archer take aim as well, he smiled to himself as he
pulled the string to his ear, held for a second and released. Two black arrows
whistled through the air and thudded into the ground at their feet. They froze at the sound searching for the source of the arrows now
protruding from the ground when suddenly three trap doors in the ground hidden
in the ash behind them were thrown back and three men leant out quickly and
before they could react they grabbed their ankles and pulled pulled their feet
out from under them, the men crashed into ground hard.
“Do not move.” They heard someone threaten, looking
up they saw a large shadow loom before them. They struggled to get to their
feet while trying to draw their weapons to defend themselves when suddenly
without warning hands with grips of steel grabbed them, forcing them back on to
their knees and held them still. The captured men raised their hands when they
felt the razor sharp edges of daggers rest against their throats. In front of
them stood a Dourgal from the north, he was a monster of a man standing at
least seven feet tall with broad shoulders. He was topless apart from two sword
belts that crossed across his heavily scarred chest holding his two large
scimitars latched across his broad back. The most noticeable feature of his
face was a scar running down through one of his eyes and further down splitting
his upper lip, he had lost his eye from whatever had scarred his face, the fact
his eye was missing was in full view as he wore no patch to hide it. His had shaved
his head save for a long plaited pony tail that ran down his neck much like the
way Mor’draed wore his hair.
“Names?” he growled, the scar on his face
stretching horribly as he spoke. He pointed at the middle of the three, who
called back,
“I am Nirab of the Kaza’tet. I am here on behalf of
Murtugh.” Nirab lifted the sleeve of his tunic revealing a burn in the shape of
a snake on his forearm. The skin had only begun to blister and looked very
painful, it was still red so it had clearly been done recently. The man holding
Nirab released him allowing him to stand
“You vouch for these others?”
“I do. This is my younger brother Barin,” Nirab
said indicating the shortest of the three, then he pointed to the other and
said, “and this is our guide and bodyguard.”
‘I am Braken Grey Shade, eye of the north. You are
going to meet someone of great importance. Be warned this man will not suffer
fools gladly, do not anger him. you are the last to arrive… Follow me.” The
large Dourgal said and then he nodded to the others who without a word turned
and dropped into the three dugouts which had hidden them and pulled the trap
doors shut hiding them once again. They turned and walked towards the city
following after Braken Grey shade.
“Why do they call you grey shade?” Barin asked
quietly drawing a disapproving look from his elder brother,
“I live here.” He grunted in reply raising his hand
to indicate the city, “What would you name someone who lives in a city of ash?
Who is a remnant of the past?”
“You live here? How?” Barin asked, his brother
stepped forward quickly and slapped his younger sibling in the back of the
head.
“I used to hunt the forest for what pitiful rewards
that offered and I drank the water, which made me ill but I had little choice.
I was healed by my Saviour and ever since then he has provided me with clean
food and water every few weeks.”
“How long have you been here?” the bodyguard asked.
“Since the fall of my lord. I was injured in battle
and fell into a basement of an abandoned house… when I awoke my lord was gone
and this city lay in ash. So I remained. If it had not been for my Saviour finding
me, restoring my health and delivering clean food and water I would have
perished years ago from the water if from nothing else.”
“All of this time?” the body guard asked surprise
evident in his voice,
“Enough questions.” Nirab snarled,
They passed destroyed buildings as they were led
through the ruined city, they were all the same ash grey colour making the
others fully understand the name their new
guide had been given. There was a faint smell of death that still lingered
here even after the twelve years since the last battle of the war, it was
strongest when they came to what was once the centre of the city, A large paved
square area with dead plant life running the perimeter of the square and a broken statue in the center which had such a
large layer of hardened ash on it the features of the statue could not be
discerned the identity of the forgotten Pinixian lord, or whoever he was, would
remain a mystery to the three of them.
“This is where he fell…” Braken muttered suddenly
stopping in the square for a moment and pointing towards an area where the ash
was still scorched black, “Mor’draed died here.”
They stared at the mark in eerie silence for a
moment then he turned away and led them on without another word, before long
they came to a large building that’s purpose the others could not guess. Inside
they followed Braken through the darkened corridors.
“The one you meet speaks with the authority he
claims do not doubt any of his words.” Braken the Grey Shade said, “Heed what I
said and be warned he will not suffer fools. So once again I warn you do not
anger him.” And with that he stopped and opened one of the doors in the
corridor and nodded for them to enter.
They walked into the chamber with the door closing
behind them, the large room was in complete darkness save for a beam of
moonlight that came from a hole in the roof, it streamed downwards like silver
mist illuminating the figure standing in the light while hiding some of parts
of him in shadow, the effect was quiet unsettling to look at. The figure in the
light was clothed in scarlet. He wore a long hooded robes and a red mask that
covered his face. The mask looked like a deformed monster with a large hooked
back nose and two red fangs protruding from a mouth carved in the mask the eyes
that looked through the mask could not be seen as he pointed a long finger at
them. and
“You are late.” He said in a high cold voice as
they dropped their hoods,
“My apologies, we…” Nirab began,
“I asked not for an excuse.” Nirab bowed his head
even though it was doubtful he could be seen. He could hear murmurs around them
how many people were here he did not know. The body guard looked down, he could
barely see in the darkened room but could just make out Barin, the boy was no
older than fifteen, he had light tanned skin which confused the bodyguard, most
mountain folk, known as Dourgals had dark skin and dark eyes but Barin’s skin
was not much darker than his own and he had green eyes which never happened to
the Dourgals. The boy bore a slight resemblance to his brother Nirab except
Nirab's features bore a look of only slightly tempered malevolence as if at any
moment he might slit your throat, Barin did not have this. The boy suddenly
looked up at him with a look of mild curiosity so the bodyguard looked back to
the robed figure.
“Any who raise their weapons here will die.
We have called many warriors here who would kill each other over silly feuds.
For the cause we bring enemies together and mark them allies.” He clapped his
hands and the torches around the large room burst into flame. Light erupted in
the chamber and chased the darkness to shadows. The hall was full of Dourgals
each from different and rival tribes.
“Kaza’tet!” screamed two black skinned warriors who
Nirab’s clan had had recent disputes with which had resulted in several
clashes. The hall was full of shouts similar to this as sworn enemies saw each
other.
“Nirab, you will die! I avenge my cousin!” The
larger of the dark skinned warriors shouted and he suddenly launched a spear he
had been carrying before his companion could stop him. It soared through the
air heading straight for Nirab who stepped behind Barin
“Tel’impas clanicatis!” suddenly the spear froze in mid-air,
The hairs on the bodyguards neck stood on end as he heard
a spell being cast, The use of spells had been outlawed by the Insindium for
ten years, An ancient race of mages had created spells to force magic to do
their bidding without any understanding of magic, their race ended in
catastrophe as magic became available to everyone without training due to the
vile spells and their race was wiped out from constant wars were any soldier
could use the spells as weapons. Their vile spells were not wiped out with them
however many people over the years came across ancient books or scrolls written
by the dead mages and with them they discovered the spells, eventually the
people using the spells became corrupted and began to do evil with them and
teach others who would also become corrupted, each of them becoming evil
sorcerers forcing magic to perform evil deeds. The Insindium hunted down these
sorcerers whenever they wrought their evil spells on the innocent.
“Was my warning not clear? Did They Eye of the
North not warn you all?” Every pair of eyes in the room looked at the man in
red whose hand was outstretched pointing at the spear,
“Fuage rev’ertuer.” He muttered another spell and with a flick of his hand the spear flipped in mid-air and flew quickly
back through the air and embedded in the warrior’s chest with such force he was
lifted off the ground flying three feet backwards where he skidded to a halt on
the floor. His companion stepped forward and pulled the spear from his fallen
friend, then turning to the Sorcerer he pointed the spear at him and said, “Be
warned Sorcerer, that was my brother. Your words better be important enough to
explain his death to my father.”
“Stay your tongue Kiros. Your threats are but puny
murmurs to one such as me. And it is not my words that will convince your
father.” He signalled and Braken suddenly appeared at the back of the room
and dragged the body away.
“I am Dramada, second of the Thirteen Crimson
Sorcerers of the Black rock in the Saritha Valley. I Bring word from the son of
the destroyer, the coming chaos…I speak with the voice of Rae’thorn.” He looked
down and incanted a spell, when he looked up his voice was deeper and had a
harder edge to it this was Rae’thorn’s voice. It was filled with hatred. “I am
Rae’thorn, son of the destroyer. I speak with anger for each of your tribes and
what I say is important so any who interrupt me do so at their own risk for I
have no patience. In Saritha we speak of each of your tribes with loathing! You
are the deserters! As my father was thrown into the Pit your tribes turned tail
and ran forcing my own kin and I to turn back and abandon the quest which we
had sworn our lives too… If I had been old enough to command then I would have
killed you all... I should burn each of your tribes to the ash… however I have
decided to allow you to redeem yourselves, once again I set our feet upon the
path. And the armies of the North muster to launch a campaign to achieve the
goal that my father came so close too. I have the oath of the Troll and Goblin
nations from beyond Saritha. And other allies who may tip the balance. You will
draw the kingdoms eyes! You will all report back to your masters and relay my
words... Prepare for war or be destroyed. On the eve of spring as soon as the
snow has gone march to the Northern Forts and destroy them. It is imperative
that the way south lies open come spring! Then head for Ithaka and hold it! I
will send you allies before spring. This time I will not accept failure.”
Dramada dropped to the ground groaning. He rose and said shakily in his own
voice, “my master gives this one chance to fulfil your oaths. If you fail to
appear we will turn our forces around and head straight for your
villages.”
Barin was building a fire under a tree on the
outskirts of a forest west of Pinex, they could still see the ruined city in
the distance. They had returned to the rest of their party an hour ago so they
were now joined by four more Dourgals all wearing grey clothes like Nirab and
Barin. Nirab was sitting behind him, leaning against the tree that William
their guide and bodyguard was sitting in watching the horizon, he was about
five ten and wore a light brown leather jerkin over a white tunic and wore a
plain steel short sword strapped horizontally across his back as well as his
long sword at his side, his hooded coat blew out behind him in the wind. He
brushed the long black hair out of his light blue eyes as they watched the dust
of riders approaching in the distance.
“William do you see anything?” Nirab called up to
him,
“No the horizon is clear.” William called with a
smile as he watched the dust cloud approaching,
“The food is ready.” Barin called,
William
dropped from the tree landing softly near the fire, the other Dourgals looked
at him with menace evident on their faces, except for Barin who smiled as he
passed him a strip of venison which he accepted gratefully with a smile and
then sat and leaned against the tree while the rest of the men crowded around the
fire. The group sat for a moment in silence eating the meat while listening to
the sound of the crackling fire, the forest sounded deserted.
“This
is all?” one of the men asked,
“It
took all day and most of this night to find that… the forest is emptier than
any forest I’ve ever seen…” another answered,
“That’s
why we call it the Silent forest.” William said, the others looked at him for a
moment until Nirab cleared his throat.
“We
leave at first light,” Nirab said as he picked at his meat, “We will head for
the mountains as fast as we can,”
“Why
so early?” Barin asked, the other Dourgals began to laugh at him, “What?” he
asked defensively,
“Do
you know nothing youngling?” one of the men asked, “We cannot risk being found
by the Insindium.”
“Why
would they care about us?” Barin asked,
“Because
they hate sorcerers and Mor’draed most of all.” It was William who answered
him, “Those who served Mor’Draed are just as bad to them.”
The
Dourgals looked at him, surprised slightly at how the low lander used their fallen
lord’s name with such indifference.
“They
truly hate us?” Barin asked,
“They
do, they hunt all sorcerers...” William replied, “… and their servants too.”
“Why?”
“Because
of the Selicra.” William answered simply, picking a bit of meat from between his
teeth. The Dourgals looked at each other, each of them mirroring the same
puzzled look.
“Who?”
one of the men asked after a moment of trying to recall any mention of the
Selicra, William smiled slightly as he noticed they were all huddled around the
fire listening intently for his response.
“The
Selicra were the first Sorcerers, they created the spells the sorcerers today still
use. It was those spells in fact that were their undoing. Magic was never meant
to work at command and because those spells force it to it causes a magical
corruption every time they were used. The corruption funnels back into the
caster, it causes them to hunger power and want more magic doing their bidding
and with more corruption the more their morality became corrupted as well. This
happened to every one of the Selicra who used the spells until the nation split
into three factions who all coveted the others power, within a year of the
spells creation the populace fell into a bitter deadly civil war. Think about
it… three power hungry armies full of soldiers who could fight with fire by
simply uttering a word… it was anarchy.” William fell quiet for a moment as he
bit into his venison and chewed for a second, the men around the fire had
stopped eating theirs all together because they were enthralled with the tale
he was telling, “The nation was torn apart by the war of the three armies of
Corrupted Sorcerers, finally they all converged on the nation’s capital city. The
spells had been created there, and to armies it seemed whoever held the capital
would have more power. The battle for the capital waged for one day and one night, The Selicra were a
shadow of their former selves as fighting broke out in every part of the city.”
“What happened?” Nirab asked impatiently, clearly losing patience with
William for stopping the tale to eat,
“When morning came after the battle the city was devastated and no one
remained alive... no one knows who cast the final genocidal spell that wiped the
entire race out, only that no one remained.” William replied quietly, his voice
barely more than a whisper,
“If
they all died… how did the spells not die with them?” Barin asked in a hush
tone,
“Excellent
question!” William exclaimed suddenly causing all of the huddled Dourgals to
jump with the shock of his suddenly loud voice,
“The
city remained as it was at the end of the battle for 100 years.” William
continued, “Explorers from other nations discovered the ruins that had once
been fabulous cities, amongst these ruins they found books and scrolls of the Selicrian's
and that’s how the spells lived on. Anyone who would use magic simply needed to
learn the words but with each person who does they too become corrupted just as
the Selicra did. The Insindium hunt the ones that use them and hurt the
innocent and any who serve them.”
William
left the sentence hanging in the air, then one of the Dourgals stood up and
tossed a small piece of meat into the fire and turned to William,
“You
seem to know a lot about the Insindium.” He growled,
The
other men all looked around at William, Nirab’s brow creased and his hand
slipped out of sight. The moment felt tense as they all glared at the Kingdom
man before William laughed loudly making them all jump for the second time,
“What’s
so funny?” The man asked defensively,
“I
am from the Kingdom! We all know these stories! I come from a village called
Fardale. Its south of the mages city, we know many stories of the mages.”
William replied with a chuckle, “ I have heard that very tale from so many
bards from that part of the kingdom I know it off by heart, the thought of
people not knowing these stories is amusing to me.”
“Armon…”
Nirab said to the Dourgal challenging William, he looked from Williams smiling
face to Nirab, “Enough.”
The
Dourgal called Armon nodded and returned to where he was sitting around the
fire. William chuckled and stood up and grabbed onto the lower branch and
pulled himself up into the tree again calling that he would return to keeping
look out.
“He is strange.” Nirab said quietly, as he settled
down next to Barin. He looked up into the tree where he thought William was now
sitting.
“I like him, he seems a good man, and if it hadn’t
been for him I would be dead now…he didn’t have to save me when those riders
tried to kill me.” Barin whispered back.
“I think I may kill him.” Nirab muttered, his eyes
still searching the tree for any sign of William,
“Nirab, no.” Barin exclaimed louder than he meant
too,
Nirab glared at his brother, he hated the youngling.
The boy had been born with pale skin and green eyes marking him as different
from the rest of the clan. The boy avoided battle whenever he could even though
he was a sufficient swordsman he would only resort to violence when pushed to
his limit. In the Dourgal culture violence was the way of life, to avoid it
made him weak.
“Hush! He has heard more than any lowlander can. I
should never have agreed to allow him to live from the start. And…” Nirab said
as his face came alive with gleeful malice, “…he will be tomorrow’s
entertainment before we leave.”
“But I…” Barin began to speak but received a slap
from his brother which silenced him.
The other Dourgals laughed as Barin’s eyes watered.
“Why is the youngling here Nirab? To cry? What kind
of Dourgal is he? We should leave him here tied to the tree, he may drown in
his tears… or starve either would be doing the Kaza’tet a service.” Armon said
as he turned away laughing, Barin snapped and jumped up at him taking him to
the ground screaming his rage. He was knocked aside easily but the Dourgal
looked down at his chest as he stood back up at the blood spreading through his
grey tunic.
“Why you little…” he mumbled as he dropped to his
knees and fell dead as Barin tucked his knife back in his tunic.
“Finally! Some backbone.” Nirab laughed, “but still
too scared to try that on me?" Nirab asked still chuckling as he made a
mock jump at Barin who flinched back, "Still he was a fine warrior and you
should not have killed him, better to kill yourself then leave me a warrior
down.”
“Shut up!” Barin yelled at his brother as he told
the others to bury their dead companion. Nirab walked back over and Barin cried
out as his brother rushed him and grabbed his hand before he could get his
blade and picked him up then threw him across the camp. Barin’s breath left his
body as he hit the ground.
“Go to sleep. Now!” Nirab ordered. They all settled
as Nirab called up to William, “We are going to sleep.”
“I will watch awhile longer.” He called back down
smiling as his light blue eyes watched the riders turn towards them.
“NIRAB!” Someone screamed from the forest, they all
looked up as the Dourgal sent to hunt breakfast sprinted from the forest as
fast as his legs would carry him. When he was half way to the camp he lurched
forward and fell to the ground an arrow pointing out from between his shoulder
blades. The Dourgals jumped up grabbing their weapons as nine riders exploded
from the forest, some were carrying swords and others were loosening arrows as
the riders thundered towards them like an oncoming storm. One of the remaining
two Dourgals dropped dead from arrows, Nirab also took an arrow in the shoulder
flipping him back and slamming him into the ground. Barin dropped to the ground
with his hands in the air as the riders surrounded them, the ground shook as
they raced in a circle around them. A man dropped down from his horse as the
other riders kept in circle around the Dourgals. He was wearing a light brown
jerkin with plated armour on his shoulders and bracers on his forearms his
black hair was tied back in a knot on the back of his head with a few strands
falling down his face. The man wore a short sword strapped at his side and
emblazoned on the chest of the jerkin was a ball of fire.
Nirab's eyes narrowed as he saw the emblem.
“Insindium!” the last of Nirab’s companions cried
seeing the emblem too. He pulled a curved dagger and threw it at the man
but it swerved round as the man waved his hand causing it to magically fly back
catching the Dourgal in the chest, he hit the ground already dead.
The mage smiled and called out loudly, “Azrael?”
He called louder when his shout only received confused
looks from Nirab and Barin. The riders dismounted and grabbed the pair while
the mage called the name a third time and waited hands on his sides. Nirab
jumped up suddenly and threw his elbow back savagely connecting hard with his captor’s
nose knocking the man to the ground with a thud and he took off running hard
for the horses. Nirab almost reached the horses but as he passed the remains of
the campfire they had sat around the previous night a shadow dropped from the tree,
catching a low branch William swung towards Nirab as he sprinted past and let
go, he flew through the air and collided hard with Nirab. The two men crashed
down in a tangle and fought like tigers, even with his hands bound Nirab fought
hard but thanks to the arrow wound in Nirab's shoulder William soon managed to
subdue him, William dragged Nirab back towards the group where he was dragged
to his feet by the man with the broken nose, the man wiped blood on his sleeve
and looked a Nirab with rage on his face but Nirab just smiled and spat on the
man’s feet.
“Shouldn’t have done that…,” the man said looking
down at his feet.
“Are you sure? It felt like the correct thing to
do…” Nirab chuckled and made to spit again but the man suddenly punched him in
the face bloodying his nose and knocking him to the ground. The guard took the
opportunity to bind the dazed prisoner’s hands together then laced the binding
to a saddle and climbed upon the horse, “Hope you like to walk.”
“Barin come here.” called William, Barin rose from
the ground and walked over to William who along with the man with the armoured
arms and shoulders began to chuckle,
“You can put your hands down, Barin. If you behave
and give me your knife we won’t hurt you. But this man is going to tie your
hands.” Barin was led to a horse after relinquishing his knife, he was then
hoisted into the saddle and tied to it.
“Hello Tallius. I see you got my message then?”
William asked the man with the armoured arms,
“I did. How did you end up here? Last I heard you
were down the western coast,” Tallius asked as he mounted his horse,
“I was heading to Moban when I came across those
two," he said nodding towards Barin and Nirab, "They were discussing
being summoned to Pinex, so I introduced myself when some bandits tried to make
them their pay. So I can trust them into your care?”
Tallius smiled and turned back to the forest and
whistled loud and shrill, another rider rode out of the forest at the signal
guiding a second horse behind him.
“I’m afraid not, my friend." the mage called
Tallius replied with a chuckle, "Nathanial the wise would like to see you.
He acknowledges he has no authority over you…”
William smiled as Tallius continued,
“…On the other hand he says if you don’t come I’ve to knock you on your arse and drag you there.”
“…On the other hand he says if you don’t come I’ve to knock you on your arse and drag you there.”
“Stay your casting arm Tallius I will come.”
William said chuckling as he held up his hands in mock submission.
“Where are you taking me?” Nirab called.
“Why my northern friend, we are granting you a tour
of Corinthia, home of the Insindium. We will start with the cells I think.” The
man Nirab had struck answered as others laughed at Nirab’s dark look of terror.
The group travelled for a day to the south east
traveling down the edge of the forest, they stopped only when Nirab collapsed
from exhaustion. He was picked up and tied across the back of his guard’s
horse. William pulled his horse over next to Barin while his brother was being
secured,
“Why did you betray us William?” Barin asked, it
was the first the boy had spoken since he had been captured.
“My name is Azrael, Barin, not William.” He
replied, “I betrayed them, not you. You are a bit of a puzzle for me Barin.”
“What do you mean?” Barin asked as he came to terms
with the fact everything this man had told him was lies.
“I look at you and you don’t belong… you don’t fit.
Everything a Dourgal is… is absent in you. You are a puzzle I mean to solve
young Barin.” The man called Azrael said with a gentle smile.
“Let’s go.” Called Tallius, and they all began the
ride again. They rode through the day and at sunset the rode over a grassy hill
and a large city came into view in the distance though it was still too far to
make out any details, they rode through the night and arrived outside the city
wall, Barin and Nirab were both asleep in the saddle. Barin awoke with a start
suddenly when he was pulled down from the horse and told to walk, he didn’t
really wake up properly until he was walking down a small dark corridor towards
a silver dais at the end of the corridor, on either side stood two ancient men
in brown robes bearing the emblem of the Insindium on their chest. Barin tried
to pull away when he saw them his fear over taking him but he was held firm and
was dragged along the ground and placed on the dais and began to tremble as the
two mages raised their hands and closed their eyes, the air around Barin seemed
to slow down for a moment as whatever magic they had cast took effect. suddenly
he felt a jerk like feeling under his arms and his vision blurred as he then
felt the sensation of flying through the air, Barin’s stomach turned and he
felt nausea for a second when he suddenly slammed into a wall and collapsed to
the ground. Barin rolled onto his front and almost vomited, he slowly regained
his breath and looked around. He was in a circular room that glowed with a dim
ominous green light which had no source as the room had no doors or windows. Nirab
was nowhere to be seen, he was alone in the dark. He sat down with his back to
the wall and wondered where his brother was. The time passed slowly for Barin
and it seemed like he had sat there in the cell for hours when suddenly there
was a flash of light and Nirab was there, he slammed into the wall as Barin had
done and landed hard on the hard cell floor where he lay gasping, his face was
pale and drenched in sweat.
“Nirab are you alright?” Barin cried as he rushed
forward and tried to help his older brother up, Nirab snarled at him and
knocked him away and fell back to the ground.
“They used their spells on me! They know
everything!” Nirab screamed hysterically as he pulled himself up against the
wall, “See what your friend has done?”
“My friend? Brother I had no idea…”
Nirab punched suddenly in his rage catching Barin
on the side of his jaw causing him to yelp in surprise and fall to the ground,
“I should have stuck to my instincts and cut his
throat…” Nirab muttered, “but no dear Barin convinced me to trust him… And then
you, dearest brother! You surrendered to them… and we may have escaped if you
hadn’t killed Armon!”
“Nirab this is not my fault.” Barin pleaded quickly
seeing where this was going.
“Maybe not completely but you bear a lot of the
fault here…. You could have helped me! We could have fought side by side! But
you gave up your blade! You’re a cowardly swine!” Nirab growled advancing on
his brother, “Have you even tried to find a way out of here?”
When Barin didn’t answer Nirab cried out in rage
and struck Barin again knocking him back into the rounded wall then he punched
him again as Barin rebounded off the wall, Barin threw a punch but Nirab
blocked it and struck Barin on the forehead sending him into the wall again.
“You will learn even if it is the last thing I ever
do…”
As soon as they had transferred Nirab to the cells
Azrael and Tallius headed towards the office of the Grand Mage, Lord of
Corinthia, Nathanial the wise. They arrived at the Insindium hall of authority
but were told by a rude clerk that the grand mage was unwell and would not be seeing
them or anyone else. Azrael and Tallius thanked the clerk and left the Galgorin
into the evening without delay and they walked through the city. Corinthia was
an amazing place, having a school of mages reside there had evident bonuses on
the city itself. Corinthia seemed to flow with magic, it was home to massive
buildings of unusual shapes and sizes that were held together with magic woven
into their construction. The buildings were made with unbelievable angles and
others that their shapes got wider the higher they went. The most notable piece
of magic could be seen from outside the city, floating ten miles above the
ground above was a strange large black cube with strange spiral designs
engraved all around it, this was the prison of the mages, whenever a spell
using Sorcerer was captured they would be imprisoned inside of the cube held
magically a loft by two powerful mages constantly, the sentries who transport
prisoners to the cube.
“I sometimes wonder how this city would have looked
had the mages not settled here.” Tallius said with a smile as they walked,
“We will never know. But it wouldn’t be this,
that’s for sure.” Azrael answered gesturing to the buildings stretching to the
sky.
“You may be right there.” Tallius replied with a
chuckle bringing his attention back to the ground level of Corinthia, which was
much like any other city. It was alive with the same buzz of any city, looking
around all Azrael could see was people pushing, shoving and shouting. Crowds of
people rushed by, travelling with family members and even friends which all
added to the buzz of the city. There were many stalls littered around the city
with sellers trying to sell their wares and going about their business trying
to sell the rest of their wares before nightfall, some guards could be seen
patrolling the street. Now and then they passed an elder of the Galgorin
lecturing a small group of student mage’s trailing behind him as if caught in
his passing wake. The stall owners either served queues of customers or shouted
out a range of encouragements to passers-by to attract them to buy their items.
The actions of the stall owners were almost automatic, smiling, picking up the
item, packaging, giving it to the customer. The more eager of the many salesmen
seemed to be the ones whose stalls still looked on the verge of collapsing due
to the weight of all the products they had failed to sell that day. Azrael and
Tallius walked for twenty minutes navigating through the crowd until they came to
a tavern called the Flying Hammer. The owner of this Tavern was a warrior who
had taken up a war hammer to aid some wounded soldiers during the tenfold war,
he then enlisted in the army of Ithaka. He was quite famous for his deeds
during the war and he was known as Jon the Hammer Head. They walked inside, the
bar was busier than usual, and they forced their way to the bar which had a
massive war hammer mounted above the bar. The shaft of the hammer bore tally
marks scratched into it indicating every Dourgal the hammer had killed during
the war, almost the entire shaft was scratched. As they approached the bar they
saw a large man about thirty-eight was standing behind the bar speaking to the
barman.
“Jon.” Tallius called to him. The man was six feet
tall and had broad shoulders, he had a shaved head probably to hide baldness
and a red beard, and he wore a simple sleeveless brown tunic. The other barman
was one of his sons, Marten. His youngest son, Damon, was collecting mugs. He
waved at them,
“Marten get these two rogues a couple of mugs of
ale on me.” Jon said to his son.
“How do I get a free mug?” one of the customers
called out.
“Why don’t we talk about your tab first eh?” Marten
called back, the man was silenced to the humour of those around him.
“Is he here?” Tallius asked,
“I’m going in back Marten.” Jon motioned for them
to follow him,
They collected their mugs and the three of them
walked through a back door to the back room where in amongst several barrels of
ale was a table and chairs. Sitting at the table was an old man shuffling a
deck of cards. He wore a long blue robe. The three of them sat down and he
dealt them five cards each without a word.
“I’m relieved to see you have recovered from your
illness, Nathanial.” Azrael said with a grin.
*
*
*
Likin it m8. Yer bold. Wish I had the baws to publish my stories online but I'm too self conscious. Lookin forward to readin more.
ReplyDeleteits liberating. Im too self critical and i scrap work all the time its good letting other people say what they think.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, kudos to Andrew for the map! Epic doesn't do it justice!
ReplyDeleteSecondly Im liking the new layout and design.
With regards to the story, I like it, but there are some grammatical errors, typos and spelling mistakes that make it difficult to read. As a writer I know it's quite difficult to see these things in your own work sometimes so I cannot stress enough how beneficial joining a writers group is.
The 'Glasgow Writers Group' & 'Weegie Wednesday' are both great for meeting like minded people who give honest, sometimes brutal but ALWAYS relevant criticism.
I would also suggest from an editing point of view to read the finished piece aloud, I know the family might think your crazy muttering away to yourself in the other room. But! It not only points out grammatical and word choice errors, but also shows you where the story isn't flowing. I found reading aloud to be great at pointing out where I was telling a story when I should have been showing a story.
It is obvious that you have put a lot of thought and time into this project. And I don't doubt that in the chapters to come the idea and concept of the world you have created will be expanded to epic proportions, iron out the writing and you'll have the whole package!
(Just remember who your friends are when the royalties start arriving ;) )
SBP
I thought the prologue charecters where good and then i read this and you have come up with others who seem good as well. keep it comiing!
ReplyDeleteim not a big fan of reading but so far im really enjoying this keep it coming and i will keep on reading :)
ReplyDeleteAWW come on we learned to do it for a reason reading can be great!
DeleteIts really one hit after another. It keeps going and just when you think you've got it, something new and different peaks your interest again. Very nice writing style. I like the first chapter as well as the prologue before it.
ReplyDeleteHey Shaun, I know it is the curse of every writer to be self-conscious of our work, but you have real talent here. I'll be back later to read your other chapters, but you are off to a great start here!
ReplyDeleteJim Henry, Author
not at all the kind of book i would usually read but im really enjoying it ... onto chapter 2 when i get more peace and quiet x well done xx
ReplyDeleteIt starts out really well. I enjoyed it. One thing i kept facing was 'who is saying what'? A few times I had to re-read the last sentence or paragraph to follow the dialogue, but in all, it held my attention and that's a big bonus for me. Keep going.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it held your attention. I hope you will read on as I feel the story grows as it goes. :D
Deletereally enjoyed it. Though I'm putting it down to being tired. But I was getting lost with the amount of characters that were getting introduced, could do with chapter breaks in it. But I suppose that could only be done at publishing stages. The description of the characters and scenery were spot on. Could really imagine myself in their world. Some writers over do it and I get board reading way kinda shoes some is wearng. But u nailed it.
ReplyDeleteChapter 2 nearly finished. Feed back tomorrow..... sneak preview. fucking awesome
Your idea to revamp has paid off. I do think that it is a bit long for a first chapter, but the action helps to deviate from the length. Its also a good thing that you have described the differences between mages and sorcerers. It helps the reader identify better with each. I look forward to seeing what comes next.
ReplyDeletein regards to some of the people addressing grammar as an issue i,e "SBPoenix". i think you will find that a native glaswegian tongue always addresses grammar in this fashion...considering i only did my english modules in uni this year i actually found the story pretty gripping for a first chapter,but i didnt expect anything less so all in all i found it pretty captivating and im already looking forwards to the second chapter....j.c
ReplyDeletelol to be fair mate this is the edited version of chapter one, the first chapter one was a bit worse and not as good, after writing and getting feed back i felt the early chapters were not as good as the later so i went back and redid chapter one
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ReplyDeleteahhh this explains a lot.. i could still tell it was a scotsman who penned it which is a good thing to credit you as a writer..it gives you more of an identity and to be honest it makes it more enjoyable as a scotsman reading it aswell...very well done
ReplyDeleteYour pacing and the way you set scenes are done perfectly here. The imagery is good, not overbearing, the dialogue is greatly improved from the prologue, and the new characters fall on the curious side. What is lacking here is structure. There's still a lot of grammatical errors and redundancies in adjectives within the same sentences. That bogs down the pace when I'm engaged with the narrative. You never want that to happen to your readers. Also, consider more places where paragraphs can break. Walls of text don't offer anything special that can't be explored by smaller paragraphs. If anything, they add to the enjoyment as so much is going on in the different scenes here. One final thing to consider is punctuation style. While it isn't a fixed rule, the Oxford standard of comma use is useful for your style of imagery. The overuse of exclamation points is also something to watch out for. I get the excitement from the action and narrative; I don't need your characters to tell me to be excited.
ReplyDeleteVery good first chapter from a story standpoint. Introduces characters and their motivatoins well. The on thing that I wasnt clear on was if the Insindium knew not to kill Baren or if he just got lucky.
ReplyDelete