Chapter Two


A Kingdom Life



“Aye, there isnt much a good mug of ale can‟t fix.” Nathanial the wise said to Azrael, “How many, Jon?” 
“Two. Well if you‟re feeling better maybe you can start paying for your ale.” Jon said as he threw two cards back to Nathanial the wise. 
“I wouldn‟t say it was a full recovery as yet.” the old man replied gruffly as he dealt two more cards to Jon. The three of them laughed. 
“Just the one for me...” Azrael said tossing one card back and accepting a new one. "Well what a tale I have to tell."
“I thought you might, let‟s hear it.” 
“Well I was travelling from Highdor to Moban in the east, when I came across a group of Dourgals travelling east. I followed them as they made camp at the edge of the Infer forest. I was going to kill them while they slept when I saw a young boy, no older than fifteen, he found an injured deer calf, he listened to it cry and checked its wound, he tried to treat the animal for quite some time before it became apparent the beast was done for and e killed it quickly. Then he surprised me when instead of carrying it back to camp, he buried it. It was at this time a couple of bandits came across him. I saved him and then the others came upon me and he convinced them I could be trusted I heard one mention Pinex and told them I knew of a quicker route and they agreed to use me as a guide. now the tale gets  darker...” Azrael told the events of his visit to Pinex. “Ronan has made more allies than his father did but doesn‟t have as much power he relies on his Sorcerers.” 
“The King?” Jon asked, 
“To my knowledge he is ignorant of the plan, I will send a dream message tonight.” Azrael answered. “No. these sorcerers have me disturbed, as the last person with talent from there caused a war ten years long… This is too important to be mistaken for a bad dream. The three of you will travel to Ithaka. Perhaps the Prince can send the western armies north to stem if not stop this invasion. You can then take ship to Estharia to see the king from there.” 
“Three?” Tallius asked, 
“Aye, ah could do with a holiday from this quiet life.” Jon said as Nathanial stood, drained his ale and put his cloak on, “I am heading home. Not to late tonight boys, you have a long journey tomorrow.” The three of them nodded while all trying very hard to not look at him. 
“Why don‟t I believe that?” Nathanial chuckled. 

Tallius staggered drunkenly down the street, looking up at the moon he realised it was later than he thought. He had decided to go back to the Galgorin after he had fallen over his own feet to the merriment of Jon and Azrael. He looked up to see he had walked to the one house he really wanted to go but could never enter. He was standing in front of his friend Taio’s house. He missed his friend, whom had been the reason Azrael had left the Insindium. After what felt like an eternity as his past demons raced through his memories forcing him to relive them he turned to walk away and found his path blocked by three men. Standing in front of him was Lord Cramer, Taio’s father. The stout little lord was red in the face with rage as he stood between the two stocky servants who were with him.
“How many times do you have to be told?!” the little lord screamed,
“I was just leaving.” Tallius said when the lord struck him in the face. The strike barely moved Tallius’ strong jaw,
“Want us to send him on his way, milord?” One of his servants asked.
Lord Cramer looked at his servants thoughtfully then back at Tallius as he growled,
“A week's pay to whoever hurts him the most.”
The lord moved aside so his servants could circle round Tallius who closed his eyes waiting for a blow that never came, he heard cries of pain and a yelp of surprise from the lord of the house so he opened his eyes and was shocked at the sight in front of him. Azrael was on the ground wrestling with one of the servants while Jon held the other one off the ground by his throat as if the stocky servant weighed nothing. Azrael twisted one of the servant’s arms and twisted it up the servants back making him whimper like a child.
“No! Let them go!” Tallius shouted.
Azrael glared at him for a second then cursed and released the servant's arm and Jon released the other letting him drop whilst mumbling, “Spoilsport.”
“Your lord gave you an order.” Tallius slurred,
"Tallius don't be ridiculous..." Azrael began.
"Your lord gave you an order!" Tallius repeated louder ignoring Azrael, who threw his arms in the air in exasperation.
The two servants reluctantly approached Tallius while watching Azrael and Jon. When they approached him one took a deep breath and punched Tallius in the jaw knocking him into the other servant who also lashed out.
“I hear broken bones and I’ll kill you both.” Azrael growled as he turned away.
After an intense beating Lord Cramer who had been unable to watch, finally said sadly, “That’s enough.” He looked at Tallius on the ground as he wiped blood from his mouth and said, “I may gain no pleasure seeing you hurt Tallius but I will never forgive you. You will never have my daughter. I have promised her to another, she will be married by midsummer.” Tallius face showed more pain at these words than at the beating and satisfied that he had hurt Tallius Lord Cramer turned and walked inside with his servants. 
“How many times are we going to go through this? Azrael shouted turning on Tallius as soon as he stood “I’m sick of this! It wasn’t your fault Tallius!”
“It is…” Tallius began,
“No, it is not! If it’s anyone fault its mine!”
“If I’d just…”
“Then you would be dead! Is your self-pity more important than the kingdom?!” Azrael shouted,
“What? No, I would never put anything before the kingdom!" Tallius said shocked,
“You have been given the mission to save the kingdom and you want to let them beat you to death?!”  Azrael grabbed Tallius and pulled him close, “How dare you risk it all!”
Tallius pulled free and tripped and fell sprawling on the ground as Jon pulled Azrael away,
“Gods damn it!” Azrael screamed to the heavens and stormed away calling back, “I need a damn drink!”
“Come on. Back to the Hammer we go. Martens wife will clean you up.” Jon said pulling a wincing Tallius back to his feet.

Barin lay on the floor wincing at the pain of his brother’s beating. Nirab sat at the other side in thought. Suddenly a bright light came alive in the cell. They both looked and saw a bright spectral vision of a thin man in red robes with a blood red mask covering his face except his mouth which was pale and wrinkled looking at them,
“What the…” Barin exclaimed rousing Nirab from his thoughts,
“Where are you?” the figure spoke.
“Who are you?”
“No time. Where are you it has taken a great deal of power to find you.” Then another vision appeared it was a Dourgal with a massive girth, his chest was bare save the strap that held his sword behind him, His face held a flat nose that had clearly been broken before. He had a squint in his left eye and a scar down his cheek.
“Uncle Murtugh?” Barin whispered.
“There is not much time, Nirab, where are you?” Murtugh said ignoring Barin.
“We were ambushed by the Insindium.” Nirab said hurriedly, "They hold us in their city!"
“The Banishers! Swine’s.” Murtugh looked behind him as if someone was speaking to him and he turned back and said hurriedly, “Hurry. To me. They know we are here.” Nirab grabbed Barin and dragged him over and reached out and took the spectral hand held out too them.

Tallius emerged from the back room to bar which was now empty except for Azrael, Jon and Marten who were drinking ale waiting on him.
“You have a good woman there Marten.” Tallius said sitting at the bar.
“Aye, Alice is a star right enough.” Marten said, “Feeling better?”
“Good enough for a mug if that’s what you’re asking.”
Marten got him a drink as his wife Alice a small blond woman came in.
“Don’t stay up too late my love.” She said too Marten as she passed kissing him on the cheek, “Goodnight.”
They bade her goodnight as she went upstairs.
“So when do you leave Marten?” Azrael asked, pretending nothing had happened,
“The pub in Estharia will be ready in a week, so about then.”
“Ah still don’t know why you can’t open a pub nearer?” Jon asked
“Where? You and little Jon have the west so I take the east and then when he’s older Damon can open in the middle.” Jon’s eldest son owned a tavern in Ithaka, “Then we rule the kingdoms ale.”
They all laughed and martin poured them all a mug of ale when suddenly someone began pounding on the door. Jon stood and walked over to the door saying that someone better be dead. He let a runner from the messenger guild in. the boy was out of breath but he carried on regardless.
“Am I… speaking to Lords… Azrael… and… Tallius?”
When they said yes he continued. “Master Nathanial the wise summons you both.”
“What did he really say?”
The runner glanced at the men especially Jon, then continued very quickly, “He says if you don’t get your arses up to the Galgorin  right now…” he looked at them pleadingly, “he will cast you into the middle of next week. Your prisoners have escaped.”
“What?” they cried in unison as Jon sprayed his ale across the common room. Before Azrael and Tallius sprinted out of the tavern.
“Get the boy a half ale Marten.” Jon said.
The runner sagged with relief at delivering the message and still be standing.
“Don’t worry if we were going to hurt you we’d get you good and drunk first, now you want an ale or not?”
“Not bloody likely!” he said and turned tail and ran. Marten and his father laughed. Azrael and Tallius arrived at the portal of chains as it was called, in the Galgorin. This was how people were sent to the cells. Two ancient teleport mages stood alone on a silver dais.
“Good you’re here.” Nathanial said as he entered behind them,
“What happened?” Tallius asked.
“A foreign spell was detected and we began countering it but they escaped.”
“Did you follow?” Azrael asked,
“Yes but we haven’t sent any after yet.”
“Send us.” Tallius said.
“I will but remember this is enemy territory and you have one goal. Kill whoever cast that spell.”
Azrael and Tallius nodded checking their weapons.

Barin was looking at the fire in the centre of the largest of his tribes, the Kaza’tet, villages, Abraza’kel, thinking. He was alarmed by the fact that he was not actually glad to be home. He couldn’t get Azrael’s words out of his head. He had wondered why he did not enjoy violence as much as the rest of his people before. So deep in thought was he that he didn’t hear Nirab and was grabbed from behind, his brother then dragged him despite his protests to Murtugh’s house. They entered and Nirab threw Barin in front of the fat Dourgal. Murtugh was as ugly as he was fat and his tiny eyes narrowed as he looked at Barin,
“So… little Barin. You are one that always seems to cause me problems. First you shame my family by showing your weakness when Nirab killed your father for me. Then you shame me by trying to stop me taking my wife, I should have killed you then. You seem to be in my way with everything I do. And now… you kill one of my captains and surrender to the Banishers when you should have fought to the death.”
Barin realised what was going to happen and looked at his brother for support but saw only an evil anticipation in his eyes.
“Nirab?”
“Such shame you bring to me little brother. I have spent my life gathering honour. Who killed the last king of Gallahan? Who killed Rolland the second when they were but your age? Me! Then I ended my father and a warrior such as he was no easy fight and yet with every piece of honour I bring you bring double the shame.”
“NO! No Nirab I don’t. Cruelty is not honour. Loving my parents is not shame. Not all look at life with contempt. Not all.” Barin screamed.
“Nirab take your brother outside.” Murtugh said. Nirab moved forward and tried to grab Barin but he moved out of his reach. Barin realised that he was calm and unafraid.
“I can walk.”
“Ah, bravery. Good it makes it all the sweeter when we break you.” Murtugh said as they walked out into the night air, “ah the rescuers!”
Two crimson sorcerers walked over to them, their masks showed neither was Dramada.  They nodded their heads in recognition of Murtugh’s bow. One was looking at Barin as a chilling whisper came,
“Why does this one not bow?”
“The condemned are rarely respectful.” Nirab said with eagerness. He looked at his brother with hunger in his eyes.
“Wait. I wish to see what’s in his head.” The second sorcerer said in a booming powerful voice that contrasted the other.
Barin felt pain in his forehead and tried to resist suddenly his head exploded in pain and he dropped to his knees. Then it was over.
“In what way do you mean to kill him?” the whisper asked.
“Tradition states he may choose who he will fight. One last piece of honour before the end.”
Barin got to his feet as he looked around him he saw the entire village had come to watch he saw hatred in every face and a cold fury came over him.
“I challenge Murtugh.” Barin decided that he would at least free his mother if he could. This shocked everyone even Nirab who always hoped he would be the one to kill their uncle.
“Very well Barin but it will be slow…”
“No” the boomer said, “What is varcrad?”
“It is the birthing cave where our mothers and fathers go for the birth of the younglings. Why?” Murtugh asked,
“He heard a secret there. When he was born. He cannot remember it as he was but a babe. But I saw it in his mind. He has no right to challenge. He is but half Dourgal.”
“What?” Murtugh asked shocked at this news. Barin looked up at the red ones in disbelief, then he remembered his father’s last words to him as he held him dying in his arms. He had told Barin he was different, special.
“His mother told the father that…” the boomer thought then continued, “… when she was captured by the one’s of Highdor, she lay with a kingdom man! Three days before the raid to rescue her. And the father agreed to take the baby as his for the mother’s sake!”
Nirab jumped forward and slapped Barin across the face.
“Barin not of my flesh… well, well. There is only one course of action for a kingdom spy. Torture, mutilation and slavery.” The last word came from Murtugh’s lips like honey, he savoured the taste. 
“No!” Barin breathed.
“And bring his mother!”
“Brand him!” Nirab called, Dourgals surged forward and grabbed Barin as he cried out. They dragged him to the fire which already bore the iron it was twisted into the shape of an S about eight inches long, they chanted the word slave over and over again. His mother’s scream caught his attention, she was dragged before Murtugh who slapped her hard knocking her to the ground, Barin struggled hard but couldn’t get free.
“Who is his father? Is he a kingdom man?” his mother looked shocked, then silently nodded, Murtugh grabbed her and made her face her son,
“Then watch this you kingdom whore.”
 They ripped his shirt and Barin cried out as the Iron was placed against his lower back, he could smell his own burning flesh.
“You lived to see your half-breed become a slave.” Then he grabbed her hair yanking back as he stabbed a knife into her back and let her drop to the ground.
“NO!” Barin cried out, the cold fury overcame him again and he looked up at the sorcerer’s and cried, “I did not bow because I do not worship evil! You may kill me but one day I will walk on the clouds and you will drown in the pit next to that bastard Mor’draed!” the Dourgals dropped him in shock all around looked at the sorcerers in fearful anticipation.
The whisper said, “When we are done with you, you will pray for that Iron.”
“No I won’t, for evil cannot extinguish good and decency… and love!” Barin yelled getting to his feet. Two Dourgals grabbed him.
“We will see.” That was the boomer.
“You can harm my body but you will never make me what you all are and knowing that, I die with a smile on my face. Goodbye Filth breed of Mor’draed.”
“Well said!” And the two who held Barin fell dead with the swing of a sword, Barin looked up and saw Azrael and Tallius beside him, Tallius made two spheres of energy erupt into life in his hands and cast them into the crowd of stunned Dourgals and they exploded on impact killing two and blasting the rest back. The Dourgals recovered quickly as Nirab screamed, “Kill them!”
Arrows shot through the air but with a wave of his hand Azrael formed a small barrier which deflected the arrows and then with another flick of the hands sent the barrier at the sorcerers who were casting, they were knocked to the ground Murtugh jumped forward barking orders as he realised Nirab had taken command. Barin saw this and grabbed a dagger from the ground and lunged at his uncle, Murtugh was caught unaware and received a slash across his face as payment for it, he fell back, blood pouring down his face blinding him and Barin stabbed at his uncle but only pierced the skin enough to cause pain but not kill. Then he saw a Dourgal run at Tallius from behind as the mage sent more Energy spheres into the oncoming Dourgals. Barin left his uncle bleeding and launched himself at the Dourgal embedding his dagger in the attacker’s thigh and knocking him to the ground. Tallius turned at the noise and helped Barin up with one hand while stabbing the fallen Dourgal with the short sword he had now drawn.
“Take the sword. Azrael was right about you. You aren’t like them.” Puzzled by his words Barin grabbed the sword form the fallen Dourgal and turned back to his uncle but Nirab appeared in-between them a snarl on his lips as he slashed at his little brother, Barin parried the blow and swung his sword wide which Nirab blocked easily and stabbed forward digging his blade into Barin’s arm, Barin cried out dropping his sword, he realised that warm tickle going down his arm was his own blood, Nirab pushed forward forcing the blade deeper into his arm. Barin dropped and rolled away but found Nirab standing over him.

Azrael sent two fireballs at the sorcerers, the aim was true with one. The whisperer burst into flames and exploded but the boomer moved quicker and sent an energy sphere at Azrael. Then he was gone. Azrael dove to avoid the sphere turned and saw Barin on the ground bleeding under Nirab, who was about to finish the boy off. Having no time to draw his sword Azrael sprinted at the pair.
“Time I was rid of you! You little kingdom bastard!” Nirab snarled and swung the sword down but Barin rolled to the side but Nirab leaned down and grabbed him with his free hand, “I think I may enjoy this more than father…”Suddenly Azrael slammed his shoulder into Nirab's and sent him flying right over Barin and grabbed the young boy and hauled him up.
“Tallius come! Time to go!” Then Tallius was beside them,
“Did you get them?”
“Just the one. Come on cast the recall message.”
“My mother!” Barin called and he ran to his mother and held her close as he felt Tallius’ hand on his shoulder.
Azrael sent another fireball at a Dourgal who jumped at them he flipped over backward in mid-air and burst into flames and exploded in mid-air. Tallius had his eyes closed. The hair on the back of Barin’s hair went on end as Azrael pulled him close he saw Nirab grab a bow and nook an arrow aimed at Azrael.
“Look out! Ugh!” Barin cried jumping in front of Azrael and lurched forward as the arrow struck his back but Azrael caught him and grabbed his mother’s hand then the four of them were gone.
Murtugh screamed in Rage.
“Nirab! You let them escape!”
Nirab rounded on his uncle, “I let them escape?” he screamed, “I let them escape is that what you said?” Murtugh felt fear run down his spine. Nirab walked over to the Fire and pulled a second Iron from the fire this one was shaped like an S inside an upside down star, it meant shamed, he walked over and struck his uncle around the head with the cool end. “Who was it that was beaten by a child? What kind of leader would allow that? Hold him.” He barked and two Dourgals close to Murtugh grabbed him sensing the change in command,
“Get your hands off me! Seize him!” Murtugh screamed but was ignored.
“They are mine now uncle.” Nirab said calmly raising the Iron in front of Murtugh’s face. Murtugh screamed long and loud.

Barin awoke lying in a warm bed, his left arm was bandaged in a sling he tried to get up fast and cried out in pain that shot down his body from his shoulder.
“Easy lad.” Barin looked up at Azrael sitting on a chair at the room’s door. He was looking tired and relieved.
“How long have I been sleeping? What happened? How did I get here? Where is here?” Barin said quickly looking around the room, it was a bedroom a lot comfier than his. Azrael laughed.
“One at a time. You have been sleeping for a few hours. We are in Corinthia this is a tavern run by a friend of mine. We teleported here. And what happened is you saved my life and Tallius’ too by the sound of it.”
Barin was thoughtful as his memory reminded him of the fight.
“He shot me!” Barin cried in outrage.
“Yes he did but it was meant for me. We have healed your arm and done our best on the arrow wound, it will take a few days to heal properly but with the right potion we will have you up and about in no time”
Tallius came through the door,
“Ah thought that was you.” He walked over and dropped to his knees and embraced Barin. “When there is time I would talk to you and make you understand what you did for me last night. But for the moment know that I am thankful as is Azrael and I am in your debt.”
“No…no… you both saved me…”
“No Barin.” Azrael said firmly, “ We came for the sorcerers. You could have killed one of us and been forgiven for your failings, honestly why did you save us?”
Barin thought about it.
“The thought, of not helping you, never crossed my mind.”
“It truly didn’t did it?” Azrael smiled and said, “And that’s why you’re different from the rest of your kin. You have compassion and love for life not love for war. Are you convinced?” Azrael called. He nodded as if answered and stood up. “Come with me.”
“Wait! Where is my mother?”
“She’s next door.”

Barin entered the room quietly and saw a young woman changing a dressing on his mother. Barin approached the bed, his mother opened her eyes and smiled at him,
“My son…”
Barin looked at the woman who shook her head sadly, Barin cried and looked at his mother,
“I’m sorry mother, you are dying because of me…”
“No… I saw you live and even better I saw you taken away from the tribe,,, but my time is short and… and… there are three things I must tell you.”
“I’m listening mother.” Barin said as he held her hand,
“You have another name… your father your real father told me if he ever had a son he would name them N… Nial, it’s been your secret name… and I must tell you who your father is…”
Barin listened in shock as his mother told him his father’s name. The girl looked at him in shock. Then his mother said something she had never said before,
“Nial… I have always loved you…”
“I love you too.” She closed her eyes and peacefully with a smile she died. Barin kissed her on the fore head and cried  until the woman picked him up,
“I’m sorry for your loss,” then after a pause she asked,” Do you know who that man is she says is your father?”
“Yes I do. Please don’t tell anyone.”
She nodded and led him downstairs into the corridor and down the stairs into the bar where Azrael and Tallius were waiting, the woman left and they took him through the bar common room, then through to the back room where Jon and Nathanial sat at a card table. Azrael and Tallius sat at the table and Nathanial looked at Barin,
“If you lie to me, boy, my friends will have only postponed your end. Do you understand?” Barin looked at Azrael who was looking at Nathanial, then Barin nodded.
“Did you know of your parentage before tonight?”
“No, I think my father tried to tell me before he died but…”
“Do you wish to return to the north?”
“No!’ Barin answered more forceful this time.
“Tonight you saved two dear friends of mine. I will repay this act of bravery with an act of kindness. Barin I offer you a new life. I offer you a kingdom life. It will mean giving up all you have ever known.”
Barin looked at Azrael and Tallius.
“But I don’t know anything about kingdom life.”
“We will teach you.” Azrael said and Tallius nodded.
“Do you want another life?” Nathanial asked,
“Yes.”
“Then you shall have it in repayment for saving my friends life. But from this day on you will be a kingdom citizen and subject to our laws, you will need a new name…”
“Nial.” He said quietly,
Azrael looked up at him with a strange look on his face,
“You will pose as Jon’s nephew from Vedan that will explain the tan. You will learn all kingdom laws and ways, you shall be trained to fight like a kingdom man, Gallahan is known for our skills with a blade. You will be trained with Jon’s son Damon. You will travel with Azrael to Ithaka in two days.”
“Thank you for taking my mother. I owe you my life for making sure her last memory wasn’t the hatred of the tribe.”
“You owe me nothing my friend.” Azrael said smiling.

Azrael walked through Corinthia with Nial fidgeting behind him in his new clothes. He wore a blue tunic under a brown jerkin. His long hair had been cut in kingdom fashion, just below the cheek line he brushed it out of his eyes. He sighed as Azrael gave him more information, he and Tallius had bombarded him with facts about Gallahanian life.
“What’s with the rush?” Nial asked,
“We are leaving in a few hours. We should have left yesterday. But the prisoners escape delayed us.”
“Where are we going?”
“We are going to Ithaka.”
“Why?”
“You will see.” They walked to the Galgorin and met Jon and his son Damon, who was looking at Nial intently. Nial nodded to him and he returned the gesture.  He looked at Jon and said.
“Hello Uncle.” And Jon clapped his shoulder,
“I never thought I would hear that. Warms my heart so it does it’s as if Sam was here again.” Nial had rehearsed this over and over again, he feigned a cold front towards his uncle this performance was for Jon's son Damon’s benefit, they all entered the Building and the boys followed Azrael’s lead then Jon told them to wait.
“So you’re my cousin?” Damon asked as soon as his father was gone.
“I am.”
“What happened to you?”
“My parents were killed by the Parashien's and I was caught trying to get away.” Barin answered, remembering the story Azrael, Tallius and Jon had drummed into him, “I was branded a slave and that’s what I’ve been, a slave, for the last eight years. They had us mine their steel and made the older slaves make it into swords.” Nial pulled up his tunic to show the scarred S on his lower back (which Nathanial’s magic had healed so it looked years old) Damon whistled in awe.
“You know if my dad knew you were alive… he would have come for you. It’s not fair to blame him.”
“Listen, I know it’s not your dads fault. I just don’t know how to be with people. I have had no experience of social encounters.” This was thought up to explain away Nial’s lack of knowledge of kingdom etiquette.
Damon smiled,
“Don’t worry I’ll keep an eye on you, I will try and stop you from looking stupid, as long as you stop showing that scar, almost made me sick.” He said with a fly wink and a smile.
Nial smiled back, “Deal.”

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11 comments:

  1. well done , not bad . dont worry about what people say about ur spelling and grammer, every book i download for the kindle has mistakes and i just read around them. i think you need do go into more depth when describing things such as places, peoples looks and emotions and the atmosphere in a situation, this will help people get a good mental picture of whats going on ( peoples imaginations are not as good as they think ) it will lso help pad out the book . i liked the charactors and thier names arent too cheesy, my favourite type of charactor is one that sits in the middle of good and evil, it would be nice to see something like that in your book. chapter 1 and 2 are a massive improvement on the prologue and have got me quite intrested in reading the rest. your map is awesome, it pisses me of when you get a book like that and the maps are shit, because i like to go back and refer to the map just to make sure i know whats happening . your map is one of the best ive saw in ages. well done keep at it.

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    1. Thanks man very constructive comment. thanks and the shout out for the map has to go to my friend Andrew.

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  2. good chapter loving the character twists. cant wait for chapter 3

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  3. Good read although you don't really explain why he doesn't like Jon???

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    1. ok i thought if he acted all friendly with Jon Damon would be too suspicious of him. he has supposed to have been missing for all those years they wouldnt really be the best of friends would they?

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  4. Standard of writing much better in this chapter than it has been before, and the story seems to be progressing rapidly which is good!

    I did find it a bit confusing during the fight scene after the truth about Barin's heritage came out, wasn't entirely sure who was fighting what. Other than that pretty good, keep it coming!

    SBP

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    1. thanks man. in regards to the fight scene Barin was being held and azrael and tallius killed the men holding him and they fought off the dourgals and two Sorcerers.

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  5. really good, im getting into it :) love the characters

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  6. So, I really like this chapter, but if I may, i'd make a suggestion. Your description is wonderful in parts and in other parts, it seems a little fast. As an example, where you wrote: Azrael sent two fireballs at the sorcerers, the aim was true with one... the paragraph seemed a little rushed. I understand that its supposed to be fast hitting, quick battle, but it just needed a little more depth. Overall, good chapter.

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  7. Thomas Muffinman Jackson20 February 2013 at 14:43

    2nd chapter dunno wat to say. Couldn't find a fault luv'd it. Even helped with confusion I had with the first chapter and flowed a lot better. The actual plot line in the chapter was just simply awesome. Really really enjoyed it.

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  8. You definitely know how to pace the story properly and motivate the characters to follow their own paths. I like how lines are being more rigidly drawn and more serious business can be addressed. I don't rightfully understand why you would keep Nial/Barin's father's name a secret from readers. Whether we know him or not at this point doesn't matter much; there's enough mystery revolving around everyone that it'll be interesting for chapters to come. In fact, it might be to your benefit to give the readers a name as it might shift our perspective when reading, contributing to Nial's development.

    I know I've said it before, but the overuse of exclamation points makes it hard to read in places. You can instruct me on tension and high emotion through action and narrative. I don't need to be reminded that Narib is angry or Barin's scared through punctuation when you've made it clear through the action and their development that that is who they are.

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