Blurb


The Land of Gallahan

First of the chronicles of The Two Nations
 By S. M. Mills

The Land of Gallahan has a dark history, a tale of blood and conquest...

The Kingdom of Gallahan has found itself under attack once again from an old enemy. It is in dark times that heroes are made and the times are indeed dark. The land will depend on the heroes of the present like it did the heroes of the past but will they measure up? Can Azrael the second son of Roland and his friends, Tallius the mage warrior, Jon the innkeeper and his son Damon together with the half Dourgal Nial, defeat the horde from the north as the heroes of the Tenfold war did before them? 

Why have the fearsome Dourgal clans from the northern mountains chosen now to attack? ten years since the fall of their infamous leader Mordred can his hand be coming for their throats from beyond the grave?

Azrael and his friends must give warning of the coming attack to the rest of the kingdom and help raise the force needed to stop it! He must fight his own demons before he can face the new ones that are coming.

The coming days will be darker still before the light will return to the kingdom of Gallahan...

I hope you enjoy it, I will update, hopefully, a couple of chapters a month if i can. any one who reads it and has an opinion on my work feel free to comment.


S. M. Mills

10 comments:

  1. WHO'S THE HERO?
    WHO'S THE VILLAIN?
    WHAT MAKES THIS STORY UNIQUE?

    EVERY STORY HAS A HERO'S JOURNEY, DOES YOURS?

    --STEVE ALTEN

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  2. Thank you for taking the time to give it a look Mr Alten, I have added more information to it and hope you find yourself better informed

    :D
    Shaun

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  3. It's more of a blurb than a synopsis, but it is a very good blurb! A synopsis tends to be short and sweet, gives away the entire plot with a straight no nonsense approach, with no cliff hangers - the blurb is the opposite.

    Give away just the right amount of info to hook the readers attention - this does that well!

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  4. This blurb is boring, I'm sorry to say. I don't know Tenfold and Dourgal and Mordreds - I don't know what they are or who they are. Sure, they're races and clans - so what? Why should I care at all? You've thrown in a load of names without telling me why these names are important, you've used nice-sounding catchphrases that have no meaning whatsoever

    For example, "the times are dark indeed" - sure, dramatic, but so what? Every story has "dark times" - there wouldn't be a book otherwise. Tell me something I don't know. Or "a tale of blood and conquest" - again, sounds good but it tells me very little, and besides it makes it sound like every other fantasy novel. Azrael must "face his own demons" - great, that's in every blurb I've ever come across, exactly why should I care about his demons? Give me a hint as to what it is. Give me a clue as to what it is Mordred will do (or whatever clan it was that's attacking) so that I may have a sense of fear and anticipation.

    At the moment it's as if I'd say, "Tom must fight John, but John loves Mary and Mary is the millionnaire's daughter. Why did Sandra choose now to confront the millionnaire of his secret? Will Tom win the fight against John? But there's a secret that Tom has that could ruin him, and it's up to Mary to hide it."

    ^This is how your blurb reads. A lot of names, little connection between the paragraphs, and next to no real information.

    Sorry to be harsh, but it's true.

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    Replies
    1. I accept all feed back and thanks for taking the time reading it... I have a couple of issues with what you have said. first off I don't think I have ever read a Blurb that has revealed too much of the plot. it is intended to be a teaser, small bits of information to try and entice the reader to find out the rest. Secondly, I agree you don't know who these people are but I have also never seen a blurb that gives character bio's. thi blurb is actually the second one as I recieved advice from an author with best selling novels. I hope you take the time to read the chapters to answer your questions.
      thank you for the comment
      Shaun
      :D

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    2. It's not about character's bios, it's about actually telling me something that'd make me want to read it. If I told you Mizer attacks the Jarcer clan, would that alone make you want to read it? No. Throwing in names does not "tease" anyone - how am I meant to be able to relate to Azrael or the Mordreds or whatever else there is in your book? I know there's a war, so has every other fantasy book - what makes your war particularly exciting? Because the Mordreds are attacking? Who cares, I know nothing about the Mordreds.

      But if it were, for example, "The Mordreds, the servants of the devil, hope to conquer the Kingdom once and for all and feed on the people's blood." Ok, I typed that out just now so I'm not saying it's "good" (in fact, it's [pretty poor, I grant you) but the point is: ok now I have something to tie the Mordreds to - they're from the devil, and I know I'd be damn afraid of the devil if I ever met him. I also know what it is that they wanna do specifically - feed on the people's blood - now I may not know what it means but it sure does conjure some uncomfortable images/feelings - either way, I know very well now I definitely want Azrael to win against these blood-sucking demonic people.

      That's just an example - the point is, you need to present something that everyone can relate to, while being quite specific - use things that people will naturally associate with the feeling or image that you're trying to make them see/feel. At the moment, your blurb does not do that.

      As for "character's bio" - that would be if I told you to write: "Azrael, son of Johh Smith the baker, is 25 years old and loves to hunt elk. He lives at the foot of the Great Mountains..." - THAT is a bio. I did not tell you to do that. You are right - that would be even duller than what you have now and would certainly be a terrible idea.

      Your first point of objection is invalid - I said that you did not reveal enough plot, not that you revealed too much. I said you lack specifics that actually tell me what the story is about, which is again, NOT revealing enough plot. And yet you object that you don't think you "have ever read a blurb that has revealed too much plot". Well, you'd be right - you didn't reveal enough, that is the problem I'm afraid :)

      Btw last note, apologies for coming across as harsh - I am often too impatient to go back and edit my posts... Take my message, but forgive me for my tone. All the best.

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    3. As I said above I appreciate any one reading and taking the time to comment. I do not take offence. i do agree you came across as quite harsh but you have acknowledged that so fair enough. I have taken your comments and began a rewrite of the blurb. I would ask that you give the book a try and comment on the chapters. i have uploaded five so far.
      Shaun
      :D

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  5. ^I have no idea why my above post is entitled "Why is this all in Czech!?" I'm very sorry about that - the blog made me log in to my gmail and when I posted it, that's what came out!

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    1. I will also say that most of your questions are answered in the Prologue.

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